My Montaigne Project by Dan Conley


Turning Inward

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Over the past few months, I’ve stepped back from my own writing, which is ironic because I was featured in Rotary Magazine and expressed how I had a daily writing practice — and just around the time I proclaimed it, I stopped. Maybe I was afraid of finding a broader audience, a subject I’ll put aside for now.

But I do feel a desire to write a little today. I’m just back from Taiwan, which I visited for work, but also for some days before and after my assignment. It’s a gift that I have a job that permits me to see the world this way. The thing I’ll remember most about Taipei is the people — they are extremely kind, helpful, and trusting people and I miss them (and their scooters and convenience stores) already.

It’s a wonderful experience to get home from a trip and feel no sense of dread to getting back to my life. Returns from annual conventions mean clean slates for me — I’m not behind on any work projects and can look forward to planning the year ahead. I also get to spend a summer in Chicago, which is one of the world’s best summertime cities.

I also tend to return from these trips with some ideas about how I can redirect my life. Last year around this time I switched to a pescatarian diet. This year, I see a lot of possibilities for where to place my energy. The best thing about it is that I could just drift where I am for a while and that would be fine. I’m content with where I am in life, anything new I add to it — new hobbies, new challenges, new relationships — would be additive.

This is another gift, the gift of aging. We live in a culture of false benchmarks and a belief that youth is something fleeting that drains away from us, leaving us with less as life progresses. I don’t see it that way. My experience is that I’ve accumulated so much in life — so many interests and skills, so many connections, so much more understanding of life’s nuances. There are about a dozen personal interests I could begin a deep dive on today and could find satisfaction in it. The only thing I can’t do is enjoy all of my interests at once, I don’t have the time for that.

But maybe that’s a good thing too, not to become overwhelmed with things and feel obliged to keep doing them. A good example is my seven-year habit of going to F45 workouts nearly every day. It’s a positive habit and I will no doubt keep it going at least until I hit 2000 classes later this year. However, it’s probably not the best thing for me to exercise this one way over and over, even with its built-in variety. It would help to mix in some things I’ve done obsessively in the past — some running, some yoga, some cycling. The body has a tendency to get used to what you throw at it. To keep it in optimal shape, it helps to surprise and shock it from time to time.

I went on a deep dive of movies for roughly six months this past year and I could pick that back up if I want (and maybe I will when the weather gets bad again.) But for now, I could put it aside, knowing it’s always there for me.

The trip to Taipei hinted at a next direction for me. As the convention closed, I went with some colleagues for our traditional night of karaoke, always a memorable experience. In the course of the evening, I found myself experimenting with ways to back up other singers, adding harmonies or counter-melodies, and it felt really good, and it reminded me of how much joy I get from being in musical collaborations with people.

So, there’s music I’ve neglected in my life that maybe I need to find again. Perhaps my personal writing — which has never been about finding a broad audience, but really about finding people who care to understand me better — I something I could use a longer break from.

There are many paths I could take, all of them positive in their own ways. The one path I’d like to avoid is taking on the world’s problems. Wars always affect me personally and inflict me with a deep sense of pessimism about humanity. I have to do my best to leave the world to others, because it all just leaves me feeling powerless.

It’s a good time for me now to stop and enjoy the world as I experience it. My 60 years on earth has given me a lot to appreciate, and I’m grateful that I still have the ability to soak it in joyfully.