There are different types of sadness. There is one that can linger in bittersweet disappointment for long periods, never demanding much of me, but always alerting me to its presence.
But there is another type of sadness that bears no resemblance. I can feel its presence in my head. It sucks up hope and replaces it with self blame and spirals of hurt. The worst part about this kind of sadness is that it distorts my greatest strength by making my expressions harmful and irrational.
Having felt its arrival many times in the past, I have grown to better understand this most difficult mood and can feel it take hold of me like a cold. I keep it at bay by staying away from triggering topics, catching up on my sleep, exercising, eating moderate and well, and avoiding all alcohol. Even then, it’s hard to avoid falling into a few short cycles before the mood passes.
I can make a friend of my lingering low bittersweet mood. But my deeper sadness, far more rare, can be a terrifying destroyer if allowed to spiral. I know not exactly how it escaped its cage — to think about such things only invites in thought that does harm — so my best approach is to avoid the path of destruction so my mind can survive its throb.
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