There is no subject so vain that does not deserve a place in this rhapsody. According to our customs, it would be a notable discourtesy to fail to find you at home, when someone has been advised to meet you there. Indeed, Queen Margaret of Navarre amended this rule, declaring it discourteous for a gentleman to leave his house, as he most often does, to meet the one who calls on him, no matter how eminent this guest may be. According to the Queen, it is more respectful and civil to wait for the caller and receive him, if only for fear of missing him en route. It is ample courtesy to accompany your guest on departure.
For myself, I often forget both of these useless matters of etiquette, I dispense with all ceremony at home. If anyone takes offense, what can I do? It is better that I offend them once than that they offend me every day. What’s the point of fleeing the servitude of the courts if one is dragged back into the den? It is also a common rule in all assemblies that it is of the utmost importance to be the first to show up at the meeting, especially since it is better for the most prominent to make themselves wait.
However, at the meeting between Pope Clement and King François in Marseille, the King made the necessary preparations, left the city, and gave the Pope two or three days for his entry and enjoyment before he paid a visit. And likewise at the entrance of the Pope and the Emperor at Bouloigne, the Emperor allowed the Pope to be the first to arrive, and then followed him. It is, they say, an ordinary ceremony at the meetings of such Princes, that the greatest should be before the others at the assigned place, even before the one with whom the meeting is being held. They take the point of view, the lesser ones go to find the greatest, and they seek him, not he them.
Not only does each country, but each city have its own particular civility, and each vacation. I was trained in them carefully enough in my childhood and lived in good enough company not to be ignorant of the laws of our French language; and I internalized them. I like to follow customs, but not so cowardly that my life remains constrained by them. They have some difficult forms, which, provided one forgets them out of discretion, not out of error, are no less graceful. I have often seen men who are uncivil through too much civility, and importunate through courtesy. It is, moreover, a very useful science, the science of interpersonal skills. Like grace and beauty, it is a conciliator of the first approaches to society and familiarity; and consequently opens the door for us to learn from the examples of others, and to exploit and produce our example, if it contains something instructive and communicable.